Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
