they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
