State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
