So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
