well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
