sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
