Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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