Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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