I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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