Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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