Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
