how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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