Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
