I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
