He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
