I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
