So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
