my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
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Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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