Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
