I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
