look no pants
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
