Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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