ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
