she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
