He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
