dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
