so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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