The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
