proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
