you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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