38 yer olds are good kisserssss
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
These tits shall not be calmed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
