Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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