You can't special order awesome
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
