Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
