His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
