when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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