it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
