I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
