filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
