Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
