Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you would pick up someone in the library
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
