How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
