he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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