in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
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Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?