just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.