So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME