..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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