Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.