summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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