Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
