if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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