ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
