Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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