would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
