I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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