I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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