don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
