I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
