He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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