I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
