I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you still have your period?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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