i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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