Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
