Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
