jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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