You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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