He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
