I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
last night I used snow as a chaser
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
