The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
