You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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