No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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