Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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