Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You are a genius and a whore.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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