I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
