once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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