She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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