oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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