so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
